A trio of events

I'm trying to get around to posting achievements from the last 6 months but job applications keep getting in the way. Anyway, at some point, October I think I had a trio of events. First was a Sophie's Wish fundraiser at Megakidz where I just did a couple of tombolas; then a fashion show for Rainbow's End, which everyone enjoyed; and then curated my first art exhibition as a mental health week event. Ended up knackered. I did ask myself a few times why I do these things for free when they tire me out so much but the delight people took in having their run on the catwalk and paintings on display soon reminded me that I am not the centre of the universe and I can sleep when I'm dead!

Erna looking amazing in clothes for super skinny people:

The poster from the artSHIP exhibition:

The little blog of DREAMS

Well, seems I have chronic blog neglect. Nice to know that it will be here when I need it though. I have lots of small triumphs to record but as I didn't take my lithium last night I am in one of those moods where I am overwhelmed by my dreams. I thought if I post them here then I (or you, if you exist) can post ideas in the comments on how I should go about achieving this.

So here's the run down:

1. Become a children's doctor - an ambition I have had since childhood that uses almost all of my natural
                                                gifts: barriers being - there are no part time courses(disability discrimination I
                                                cry!); funding(top up fees); my Chemistry A level is not A but AS; fitness to
                                                practice discrimination; the GAMSAT; difficulties of getting work experience
                                                being from a non-medical family.

2. Do a PhD to benefit the world            - money(though cheaper than medicine fees); needing to find a tutor
(arts/health/peer support/storytelling)         who believes in me; coming up with a stonking proposal.

3. Sell my artwork (and not just to  - confidence vs the benefits trap (i.e I'd get into trouble if I succeeded
friends/family)                                   but if I failed I'd lose confidence.

4. Publish some writing           - confidence to finish stuff; finding an agent; knowing where my talents lie

5. Get a short film shown at a festival - no access to final cut pro; need a wingman; need a fab idea.

6. Direct or write for professional theatre - lack of contacts; need experience to get experience; not being a
                                                                Londoner.

7. Start an arts' centre to employ people - would need around £500,000.
who face discrimination and enrich the
community culturally at the same time.

8. Get my own home                - Dull but true. Then I could make it totally awesome, charge my friends just
                                                  enough rent to pay the mortgage and make an art studio in the cellar.

9. Be a radio presenter (hospital or community radio), should be possible, surely? And stand-up comedy.

10. Be well enough to travel.

And find a job, get well (as much as pos), find a nice man, have a baby and lose half a stone obviously!

                                               

August away

This month I've been rushed off my feet. A week in Normandy with one of my sisters and Mum and Dad followed by a few days in the Big Londonia and then a whole lot of cleaning and decorating in Nottingham. I've really missed my bed!

Normandy was meant to be relaxing with no phone or internet, but I took the troubles of home away with me in my head so the best I managed was a bit of distraction. Bec lost her camera on Le Mont Saint Michel on our first day out leading to me trying to remember how to speak French! We spent a lot of time on the beach, winning a sandcastle competition with a Team GB Mini Cooper for Andy and enjoying the strong waves and warm, fairly seaweed-free sea. I got some amazing shells too. Dad and I took a trip to Bayeux to see the tapestry, which turned out to be more of an embroidery - false advertising - and we sort of accidentally bought a sword.

I love France in Summer. All the dilapidated barns and fields of sweetcorn. We spent a lot of time with wine and cheese in the garden of Le Maison Ferey.

London was rather a last minute affair. I got a place on a 'multi-media journalism masterclass' making content for Comic Relief. London is nerve wracking enough for me without having to go out making voxpops and getting chased off by security guards and strange communists. I met some seriously amazing people and got a chance to see Christopher's new flat.

Keen to spend a bit more time with him I followed him to Nottingham where I totally overdid it. Spending 6 hours cleaning an oven that should really have been scrapped and inhaling far too many fumes.

Now back in Sheffield I've got lots of work to catch up on. Only a week till Arkady leaves. September will be a sink or swim month for me.

Ouch - blog neglect! Sorry about that to my followers (both of you ;-)) Though actually, one of this month's notable mentions of achievement goes to my first piece of fashion journalism as I started my seasonal columnist scribbling over at British Style Bloggers http://britishstylebloggers.org.uk/2012/06/28/thou-shalt-think-for-thyself/. I'm now planning my July post because it'll have to be up while I'm on Jaunt 1 of the holidays down in Oxford, helping out in the filming of Villainy.

Another thing keeping me very busy has been my (our- it's a Matt and Amy get nerdy project) entry to The Anthology context over at IdeasTap. They fund a 3 month project to produce an e-zine or anthology and we put together a proposal around guerilla art called 'Off Canvas'. This  involved hours of touching up, shooting and uploading photos as well as writing the proposal and trawling around Sheffield with a camera and a pasty from the £1 bakery, which is incidentally, just as bizarre as it sounds.

One from Moorfoot.

We had a mammoth day at Sophie's Wish filling another 100 cookie jars to sell at Summer events - including Crosspool festival on Saturday, come one and all!

I also pulled a wonderful little suitcase out of a skip in the rain. I've now relined it with wrapping paper:

And cleaned and started painting the rather many front panel:

Now just need a picture for the back. Well, hopefully July will yield more fun and crafts.

Rainbows, lollipops and (fingers crossed) sunshine!

Tomorrow weather and energy permitting I'm going to my first Pride celebration so when I came across this blog http://walkingwithintegrity.blogspot.co.uk it felt like fate.

'Walking with Integrity' are a church campaign in America who don't just passively accept people but go to Pride festivals and welcome people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. They are campaigners for gay rights too.

So often all you hear about with the church in the US is those awful publicity hounds of the Westboro Baptist Church. As a Christian (albeit one having a crisis of faith) these people hurt me as they can't fail to give all Christians a bad name. I was so pleased to find that somewhere in the world the accepting, loving and welcoming face of Christianity, the one that I believe is most prevalent but all too quiet, is taking a stand.

I enjoyed one sermon on the site so much that I wanted to post a little of it here. It starts with a heartfelt appreciation of the joy of finding your partner....

"It is no small consolation in this life to have someone you can unite with you in an intimate affection and the embrace of a holy love, someone in whom your spirit can rest, to whom you can pour out your soul, to whose pleasant exchanges, as to soothing songs, you can fly in sorrow… with whose spiritual kisses, as with remedial salves, you may draw out all the weariness of your restless anxieties. A man who can shed tears with you in your worries, be happy with you when things go well, search out with you the answers to your problems, whom with the ties of charity you can lead into the depths of your heart; . . . where the sweetness of the Spirit flows between you, where you so join yourself and cleave to him that soul mingles with soul and two become one."


and goes on to admit some hard truths and call for people to make some difficult amends...

"We are asking the church to do exactly what my friend said they must do - recognize that its teaching has been wrong and admit that it has harmed many children of G-d in the process. In the words of the confession we will use today, it means being able and willing to admit that “We have denied your goodness in each other, in ourselves, and in the world you have created.” 

But that is only the first step. It also means, in the words of the Confession, that we must “repent of the evil that enslaves us, the evil we have done, and the evil done on our behalf.” Having lived through the painful process of desegregation in Central Florida in the 1960s, I know only too well how difficult it can be to admit that you were wrong, that your understandings, words and behavior have been harmful to others and to realize that you had no choice but to repent, to change your mind, change directions, change your life if you were to live a life of intellectual honesty and integrity. The cognitive dissonance that arises from such a realization is painful and incredibly disorienting."

And finally, a note of hope for the future

" ... One of the most encouraging things I have ever heard him (Jack Spong, reformed homophobic, now equal rights campaigner) say was that the outcome of our long struggle for gay and lesbian equality has not been in doubt for some time now, only the time table for the goal of full inclusion."

I hope they don't mind me reposting such a large swathe of the sermon but they are about spreading a message of love, and so it is my privilege to pass it on. I hope I demonstrate my support for my gay friends and at least some of them will let me be a bridesmaid at their wedding (hint, hint).

Blackberry, proudly purple!

xxx

So the sunshine has now gone but I feel I made the most of it. Getting out of the house several times unlike over the period of March sun when Is stayed in bed with the curtains closed. There has been a BBQ, a little walk and a week at home with my niece who discovered ice cream in all its confusing ways of being surprisingly cold and surprisingly yummy.

In particular I was glad that the sun stayed out for the Cobden View pub charity day. I made a 'My Little Pony' inspired pin the tail on the donkey and we also ran a tombola. Arkady came along too and helped blow up the balloons. Sophie was adorably determined to blow them up too but at 3 years old I think it would have been rather miraculous if she had succeeded.

A wonky looking donkey - too big to take a photo of on the kitchen floor really.

It was nice to have to get up in the morning because it meant we had the rest of the day in the sunshine. The pub garden was followed by a BBQ in the park with Mike and Paul, then USLES Eurovision party and back to Mike and Paul's to catch up with some old friends. 'French food' (camembert and french stick) was a particular highlight of Eurovision, unlike the French entry.

Blackberry pony trots off.
xxx

Something I guess we all aim to achieve is being a better friend. So often trying to be a good friend is one aspect of my life in which I manage to overcome my fears and sacrifice my terror on the altar of friendship. Last month was no different. I went to support my housemate Arkady in his first wrestling performance. For some reason I often feel more comfortable on a stage than in an audience. I have familiarity with my surroundings, some ownership or stake-holdership in the event and, most importantly, control. At wrestling I had none of these things but luckily, what I did have was a fellow nervous nelly on my arm. Mr Matt, complete with cords and looking like his usual eccentric self accompanied me as we ran, a little late, up the steps of a community building on Leppings Lane. We weren’t 100% sure that we were even in the correct place but as we entered the building resembling ‘The Burrow’ i.e. held together by PVA and magic, we reassured ourselves that there probably wasn’t more than one wrestling event on in Hillsborough that night.

A motley crowd of stage night goers, small waif-like children and bemused-looking wrestler WAGs were sat around an impressive looking ring as we took seats tentatively at the back of the room. I can see how Arkady came to this from pantomime. The whole thing is a performance rather than a competition and good guys and villains get time to have plenty of banter with the audience between their moves. On more than one occasion the small children looked in danger of being flattened by a lycra-clad bruiser being thrown over the ropes.  The typical habitat of a Mr Matt or a BlackberryThorn is in a theatre or a library and so our laughter was mainly of the nervous sort.

Our bravery was rewarded just before the end of the first half when Arkady swaggered on in character as ‘The Baron’, a Southern ponce (yes, he’s playing himself ;-P) hurling insults and telling the noisy little ones that it was past their bedtime (I happened to agree). Arkady in lycra isn’t exactly my idea of a pin up poster (think more the tweed of Matt Smith and the voice of Alan Rickman) but he was  excellent. The throws he used on his opponents looked really professional and much better in situ than when he had attempted to demonstrate on me in our kitchen. I didn’t like it when he got thrown and clutched Mr Matt’s arm – he probably still has the finger marks.

Here is a shot of him in action....

The blue blur is Arkady, kindly letting a skinny kid beat him to a pulp.

He lasted a long time in the final fight and went out just after an old guy who could easily have been a Jimmy Saville impersonator.

Though I can’t say I’ll be turning into a regular I certainly did enjoy seeing Arkady in action and can’t wait to help him work on his costume.

More blackberries than thorns on this little adventure!

xxx

Ellie's Airmiles

Yesterday I went with Mum, Dad, my eldest sister Lu and her baby Kate to the glamourous Market Rasen train station (which is actually quite cute now some of the village people have done it up) to pick up Ellie.

Ellie is my little sis' and has been away 7 months having amazing adventures you can read about here . She has come home a very different colour and seeming to have grown (mainly as she's half a foot taller than the rest of us anyway). And so we made a banner and took balloons and I made a cake...

Indonesia is a bugger to ice!

...of the places she went  -Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, Viet Nam, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia, New Zealand and Fiji!

She seems to have brought the Fijian weather back with her, as well as a few Fijian swear words. Her washing has been hanging in the sun all day as she's slept and got excited over things like squash, which apparently is a really British thing, and hot water.

Kate is too tiny to remember her but Ellie has claimed her affections quickly with a bracelet of shells she made on the beach.

As a blackberry I would simply turn to weepy mush if I tried this, but have enjoyed travelling through her pictures and blog.

xxx

Pottery...erm?

So, long time no blog. I do apologise to you, dear mythical reader, though I have no valid excuse. I've just been doing the usual - USLES, job rejections and depression, as well as spending far too much time on the internet.

I'm now at home for the week waiting for my little sis to arrive back from her travels so I shall also be updating here and catching up there. This was the plan anyway, until I took a new medication, which has left me in a rather spaced out state for 2 days.

Never the less I have something to show you. Earlier this year I took up a New Year's challenge of seizing the year and started doing the pottery class that I'd previously been too scared to join. And here is my first pot....

...it's all right. I know what you're thinking and I agree, it is pretty hideous. But it is hideous with a purpose - a learning curve of ugly, if you will. It weighs 5lbs as we were encouraged to do something big as a first piece and the shiny, textured technique on the main body is called burnishing, which took 3 hours of polishing with a tea spoon to achieve, followed by a rub over with shoe polish once it was out of the kiln. The lip is glazed over a black and matching green slip. It's not quite a vase or a pot so lesson #1 is that now I'm going to make stuff with a purpose! So I've started on mugs and a teapot. Lesson #2 was that scrapping something I've spent an evening on is far more sensible than carrying on with something that I don't like and I guess lesson #3 was the techniques.  So, as it turns out, after all that waiting and wanting that I'm not great at pottery but at least I've tried.

Let's hope my next attempt will be less thorns and more blackberries!

xxx

Press play without a pause

Phew, what a week! I have just got back to Sheffield after challenging myself to a 4 day stint of theatre devising in Hull. I applied for Press Play - a tour of theatre devising for young people through the National Youth Theatre - not thinking that I would actually get  place. I was more than a little bit terrified when I did. This was to be 4 days of intensive workshopping in a new city with people I did not know and far out of my comfort zone. 

But I did it. Thanks in no small part to my Godfather's brother and family who live in Hull and took excellent care of me. I learnt a lot about devising theatre as opposed to writing it and came away with lots of ideas. I had one wobble on the 3rd day. The 'press' of 'press play' refers to THE press. We were looking at news stories, so many of them to do with pain and I got upset when some people in one of my groups wanted to put a 'clowning' effect on it. When the leader said clowning I think he was referring to facial expressions but we started to head more towards slapstick. A lovely beardy chap called Antonio tried to mediate and help but I couldn't take part in something I didn't agree with. You know how these things escalate into upset. I left and had a cry in the toilets. I couldn't run away. I'm not saying that I didn't want to, I just wasn't wearing shoes at the time. The hardest thing about getting upset like that is having to hold your head up and walk back into the room. I did, and was glad to see they had toned down the bits I had found offensive (though at the same time worried that the group leaders would think I had been making a fuss over nothing).

Even so, mostly it was really great. I lasted and learned and am more than a little bit proud of myself - I know some of the others were too. I wish I had been well enough to cope with study and these wonderful youth opportunities as I am now getting rapidly too old for them. I am toying with the idea of doing a short course at uni so I can get involved with some of the 'students only' stuff that goes on. Onwards and upwards.

Photosplosion

For those of you who don't know Craftster it is a craft website/forum where people share their creations. I wanted to upload my latest (and some older) stuff but can't get the pictures to work. So I'm going to try linking them over here instead. Get ready for a photosplosion!

Hmm, what else might I want to post to my Craftster account.

Woe is me.

Is it me or does the phrase ‘the misery of the human condition’ make everyone cringe? Last week I walked into an art gallery where that phrase was plastered over the wall to explain the ‘theory’ behind a series of photographs of old people dancing on a promenade. Please forgive me for failing to see the misery in something so touching as old couples boogying.

The real bone this makes me want to pick at is why we feel the need to justify everything in art through the eyes of archaic philosophies. Cannot something just be beautiful? Do we really need to have an obscure message behind every camera lens.

I once asked my flamboyant English teacher why we only studied depressing books – ‘Death of a Salesman’, ‘Of Mice and Men’ and so on. Without missing a beat he responded “Happiness writes white, dear girl” and minced off.  There is no doubt some truth in the phrase especially when writing a play or novel in which plot and narrative structure demand misery to make us cry so that we feel elated when we allowed to laugh.

Poets are probably the worst for making misery a highbrow artistic activity, Wendy Cope wrote a wonderful poem expostulating about how comic poems must enter different competitions from ‘real’ poems and of course be rewarded with smaller prizes. If you have to be miserable to be in the arts then in seems strange that we all congregate here aspiring to get into the industry. There is nothing elegant about suffering and mental hospitals with barred windows and the stench of disinfectant.

Beautiful doesn’t have to be tragic and entertainment doesn’t have to be crass. While Vincent Van Gogh and Glee make excellent examples of tragic beauty and crass entertainment respectively there is also a whole world of examples to fight the other side of the argument. The old British sitcoms Yes Minister and The Good Life, the William Tell overture, Queen’s entire back catalogue or whimsical graffiti. 

A beautifully Yorkshire favourite of mine near Hallam Uni.

It’s all a question of balance. While it seems to be true that the best of each genre is often focussed on painful truths there will be so many examples where this has gone wrong leaving the artist with something pretentious and trite that they hastily zip to the recycle bin.

Misery of the human condition? Pah! We get enough of that on the news. Here’s a brief from me – I challenge you to make me laugh.

Being Proud not Jealous.

In my situation while I watch the successes of friends whom I have supported or family it is very difficult not to get a tinge of the green eyed monster. In fact I regularly become such a monstrosity - though hopefully only in private. I have lost touch with several friends because they are busy having the lives they planned and I find it too painful to watch what I feel I also deserved, perhaps deserved more than them sometimes too.

Today reading my little sister's travel blog I didn't feel jealous, I just felt proud. Granted I'd rather her dancing outfit for the bar where she worked had a little more to it but although pictures of koala bears and palm beaches flood her Facebook account my overwhelming feeling is of pride that she is so brave as to go and explore the world.

I want to exorcise that green-eyed monster. I don't like the person it makes me. Maybe this is how - I should remember to be proud of the part I took in making those other lives fit an let the happiness of others be my reward. Unfortunately I am not Mother Theresa so this will be easier said than done but hopefully this little stream of thought might help me remember.

Entering the debate

Well, Mr Chenko and Emily have both had their say and I think it's time for me to get on my high horse and ride into the debate on benefits. I have a few thoughts on: the working for free scheme; the disparity between disabled people's support and that of those lucky enough to have their health; and my view on minimum wage. But before I do, let me provide you with a little context...

I have been unemployed and on benefits for 4 years now. I am disabled, though not in anyway that is immediately obvious and my day to day life is a struggle. I never intended to go on disability benefits but when I phoned up to apply for JSA I was told I couldn't because I was not looking for full time employment. And so I have got on this incapacity benefit - the name of which makes me cringe - and I have spent 4 years trying to build myself up through part time education, medication, lifestyle changes and voluntary work. So now you know whose talking, what have I got to say?

Well firstly, I am fed up with the government targeting disabled people for their cuts when it is their policies and practise that allow employers to ask for disclosure, which allows them to discriminate. While most disabled people would probably struggle to work full time (especially with fatigue related disease) it is unfair not to give them the chance. Once on incapacity benefits for 6 months approximately 90% of claimants will be on it for life. It's not a cushy deal - living in naff rented accommodation, unable to afford to have children, being looked down on and having people believe you are ripping them off because your disability is hidden and they are ignorant.

I want to work! I want the identity and self-esteem, not to mention the wage and activity that employment brings. The Daily Mail and government are happy to label us as scroungers but the truth is with employers preferring people who are 'easier' to employ and the Jobcentre not giving us contact or guidance unless we really chase it (8 numbers, £2.60 and 68 minutes to get through to the Disability Employment Adviser's office - and she wasn't there and failed to return my call!). People on the old benefit like I am are not entitled to any fee remission at college if we want to learn new skills, unlike those on JSA or who have moved to the cut down benefit and the dodgy dealing 'back to work' schemes refuse to believe we have any skills in the first place.

On one Remploy course we had a day's lecture on personal hygiene - because apparently disabled is a synonym for 'stinky' - and the course leader made the woman next to me cry. Is it any wonder we lose our confidence in our ability to work? What's more us 'stinkies' are also apparently also 'thickies' - I was offered a beginners' literacy course more than once (my first degree is English Literature). It turns out they were pushing these courses because the companies get a fee for every person they get 'into training' - regardless of whether it is appropriate. In the end I gave up and started looking for part time work on my own.

After help from my university careers' service my CV is pretty pimped out and my own experiences of being on society's bottom rung inspired me to do an MA in Community Work. Looking around for entry level part time community jobs I found the Future Jobs Fund - perfect! It was designed especially to give bright jobseekers part time paid work experience in areas of the third sector. I thought I was falling on my feet.

Then my knees buckled - or to be more precise I was knee-capped. I was not eligible to apply and why?
Because I was on Incapacity Benefit rather than Jobseeker's Allowance. In other words, those opportunities were for the 'abled only. Two of my best friends were employed through the scheme and are still working, one has moved on to a job in marketing and one is still at the company, who have kept him on while he does an MSc. It's hard not to be bitter. Luckily they are awesome people so I don't begrudge them their successes.

So if I can't go to college or get onto job schemes for graduates and I can't do the low skilled work that is on offer through people like the Shaw Trust (I'm not being snooty, factory work caused my original nervous break down and I have been told more than once that I'm 'over-qualified') then what are my options?

For now I volunteer and study all I can online for free, but I'd really appreciate it if I could earn my living by doing something other than giving the Daily Mail someone to pick on.

To be continued...

Titus pie!

USLES is doing another double bill this term and as Mr Producer(Matt) and I were bored we decided to hatch one of our more elaborate dreams of professionalism into reality - grown up looking posters! USLES has always used illustrations, which can get confusing as people think all we are is pantomime or that our stuff is aimed at children, which it rarely is unless changed for them to take the ruder bits out. Drawing made a lot of sense when we had a professional illustrator on the cast though but now she has moved on.

We had 2 hatchling plans but could only put the one for 'Titus' in to practise. Titus by Tim Norwood is an improvement on Shakespeare's 'Titus Andronicus', which was an improvement on something Greek. In it 2 of the Queen's sons get cooked into a pie, which is fed back to her. So we made....

TITUS PIE!

So, crap from my kitchen became a piece of photography - only problem is the president has vetoed using it because it won't photocopy in black and white. Hopefully one of our pencil wielders will do another version that can be done in black and white for flyers.

Film making

If there's one thing scary than interviews or being on stage it must be being on camera. A few weeks back I spent a weekend with the Yorkshire Writing Squad and made a short film with some friends. We only had about 4 hours so the film could only be 3 minutes. We made a film called 'Yolk' with 3 minutes in almost real time.

I love directing and so was a little worried about having to be the girl on screen. It seems for once I was the least terrified of doing so, so I stepped up and this is what we produced:




Hehe, it's not perfect. Gotta love that expression! One bit got lost somehow during the edit as we were in a rush. It was still a lot of fun though and managing a weekend out of the house with people who I mainly didn't know was quite an achievement for me.

Busy Weekends

Over the past two weeks I have had a rather busy time, particularly at the weekends. As part of my Carpe Annus *sniggers* I'm applying for everything I see, this resulted in a trip to the West Yorkshire Playhouse in Leeds for a meeting about a theatre project - I think it was a bit of a mistake really as they seemed to expect me to be from Leeds.

Ah well, after the 6 hour detour to Leeds I finally got to John Lewis Sister's (who we shall call JL sis) to see my half German niece - known affectionately as Schmoozy. We had a great time at the icy swings and the ball pools with me slipping her the occasional chocolate button. We take our naps at the same time, which is very convenient. She is so lovely at the minute. Although she is 16 months she is not yet talking but scribble talking and it is clear that some of the noises she makes are English and some are German - my German vocab. is coming on no end.

I'm continuing my pottery class and went through the snow to see Jenni in maskerade on Saturday. I also had an interview for a job I really wanted and although they turned me down they were very nice about it, saying I was employable and it was just that someone else scored more points. I went to my old department, now in a new building, and had a chat with my academic idol. It felt very good to talk to someone who doesn't assume I'm stupid and I left feeling a little hope for the future.

And finally, I spent the weekend at a Writing Squad film-making event about which a full post will appear in due course. I was very proud of myself for making it all the way through as I've not managed more than a half day for quite some time.

Sheffield is just beautiful in the snow.

Diversify & penguinate!

After a year of blogging my little achievements I have decided to mix things up and add a few more strands into the blogmix. I have so much to say and people around me are probably bored of listening so it's time to rage at the page and enlighten the intertubes.

But here's one crafty achievement to mark the change and give me a picture to put in here. Ages ago I made a penguin hot water bottle cover for Kashaberry. It is a poundshop bathmat, an old black top and some felt scraps. He's slept with it for 2 winters now and it's still in one piece so I'm considering that to be a win.

Hmm, don't know why it's lying down, never mind. Penguin out.

xxx

At long last... Pottery!

It has been about 4 years since I started looking at adult education classes and one that I always wanted to do was pottery. But it was after dark, 2 buses away in a part of the city I don't know etc, etc Basically I was scared.

So why have I chosen to do it now? because it is still January and I haven't given up on all of my 2012 aims just yet! Yes, I did get lost and arrived late and a little shaken but next week I'm getting a lift with a lady from uni so thanks once again to the kindness of strangers in this caring city I have fallen on my feet.

I don't have any pictures to show you yet - give me a chance. I started a coil bowl, which is how they do it in Africa. There's a cool bit of bashing the air out of the clay at the beginning by throwing it on the table, which as fun but made me quite self conscious. There were 2 other newbies one of whom is a silversmith who has a studio in the Butcher Works in town - so cool!

Anyway, needed to commend myself on this endeavour, *pats self on back*. Hopefully pottery will result in less injuries than glass.

Pyromania

I have always loved playing with matches - the sudden rush of concentrated heat, the movement of the light and the smell of chemicals when you strike it or blow it out. At church as a child I always used to go and dip my fingers in the wax of the pillar candles after services. Generally it was necessary to warm myself up.

A few years ago I bought myself a wood burning pen, or pyrography machine, to do pyrography, which is legitimate burning of stuff. I've only really burnt things onto wood so far. It takes a lot of concentration and I've burnt myself several times. It's a nice craft to huddle over in winter though and I'm glad I bought the gadget as it was about £12 and has provided hours of fun. (I don't think my housemate was keen as I had set the alarm for our building off not long before by playing 'calorimeter' with a lighter and the contents of my biscuit tin. I think I'm making up for not having a chemistry set as a child.)

So here's some of the Christmas presents I made when I got it:
A set of coasters for my Mum....

I also did a set of Matroska dolls for Nan that had a different size and colour combo on each. I backed them with thin cork and varnished them with cheap pound shop varnish that stank to high heaven.
And a house number for my Smiley Sister who had just moved house....

I've not done much lately. I hate a great big 1 1/2 foot diameter wooden platter but am thinking what to decorate it with and who it could be for.

Carpe Diem

I am seizing opportunities (but don't know the Latin for that)! IdeasTap had a columnist competition running so I wrote 500 words on pantomime, which for some reason I can't seem to copy and paste onto here. Pants.

Oh well, it's probably in the protfolio I had to upload www.ideastap/people/34e0a7d9-e5c6-8e77-9f3d00d706a/standard-portfolio/

* I'm using Internet Explorer because Chrome can't seem to get the Blogger page to work, missing Chrome already.

Aims for 2012

So I reckon calling them 'resolutions' will probably make them even more likely to fail so let's call them aims instead. A wish list makes it not my responsibility to chase them and 'to do' list will make them things to check off rather than work towards. Anyway, whatever they may be here they are:

1. To continue this blog.
It's helped me to see what I'm managing and has fulfilled the purpose of stopping my brain deleting focusing on the things I haven't achieved to some extent so I figure I should carry on. Maybe this year I'll get more followers and even some comments!

2. Enter competitions.
Ok, this one may seem rather odd but I think that in the current economic climate getting a job is like winning the lottery and I apply for jobs, so why not apply for other things. At least it will make me write more, craft more, and generally get motivated to do things.

3. Learn new skills.
I know that sounds a bit vague but I've got things in mind. I want to learn pottery, it should complement glass fusing nicely (both kiln based art) and I found a glass years ago. I just need to get the confidence up to go on my own. I also plan on making some clothes. I've tried a few times but never invested in patterns and the right fabrics because it ends up more expensive than buying clothes that way. I've decided I need to start off with the proper stuff to learn the basic skills before trying to pattern draft on my own or work with other fabrics. I've been thinking about doing a counselling course at college but new government cuts mean I'd have to pay full fees so I'm thinking it through quite carefully. Learning the flute is also on this list, after I managed to buy a flute in a manic episode 2 years ago and have yet to work out how to play it - Youtube here I come!

4. Do some exercise
A realistic amount like a swim or a class a week. I've been looking at salsa fit videos but think it may be dangerous to attempt in my tiny house. I may have to make myself a sticker chart with ice cream rewards - no wait, then I'd need to do more exercise - ugh.

5. Find some form of Employment
Getting dangerously close to 'wish list' now. I'm being more brave in how far away I am looking and looking at more menial types of work to at least get me out of the house. I've also got some more routine volunteering hours in the pipeline - watch this space.

So I think that is a fair summation of the goals: learn, work, tone, write and throw my hat into the ring. As with last year I am continuing to challenge myself to seize opportunities, even if they terrify me. I hope this blog will be busy with achievement. Fingers crossed. x